How To Overcome Shyness And Get More Dates In Six Easy Steps
You have a crush. You act awkwardly whenever she is around, putting your foot in your mouth or, even worse, not saying anything. You picture all sorts of scenarios for the day you will work up the courage to ask her out. But you don’t actually do it. And then she hooks up with another guy. You are devastated and mad at yourself for not making a move sooner. You feel like a shy loser, which becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy every time you are interested in a girl — and often causes you to end up deep in the friend zone (if you manage to approach her in the first place).
It doesn’t have to be this way. Being a shy guy doesn’t have to come in the way of your dating life. You might think that some guys are effortlessly charming, outgoing and confident, and you will never measure up. But, the truth is, shyness is something you can work on.
An anonymous user turned to guyQ, AskMen’s Q&A platform, for advice on the topic.
Hi I’m 31 male. Still a virgin. Shy in talking to girls. Never had much interactions. Online dating is shit. What can I do to have a gf?
The following tips from guyQ users will help you overcome your shyness and live a fulfilling dating life.
1. Try speed dating.
I would give “speed dating” a chance. Even if it doesn’t work out it allows you to develope confidence around women and you’ll find it very easy to introduce yourself and break the ice which I find to be the most difficult thing around women.
2. Realize that women are just people.
Are you shy about talking to your mother? Are you shy about talking to an old woman at a check out counter? Are you shy about talking to, say, a nurse, a female buss driver etc?
Then don’t be shy about talking to a girl that you may like. They are all the same creature, and women are like wild cats, they can sense that fear a mile away.
3. Build friendships with women you are not attracted to.
Start talking to and building relationships/friendships with women you aren’t attracted to. Find activities where interaction with them is necessary. Don’t go out to parties or bars (or anywhere) with the intention of finding a girl to hook up with.
4. Watch videos and practice.
Go online and watch videos that can help you with shyness, confidence and how to approach and talk to women.
Practice makes perfect, you can only get better. Practice imagery and what a general convo would look and feel like and expand from there.
5. Become boyfriend material.
One, you should be g/f material. That means YOU have to do everything possible to get yourself ranked as high on the potential b/f scale as possible.
Got no legs? You might rate low but not on the bottom. No hair? You can rock a Bruce (Willis, not Jenner) shave and tear the house down….. just plain ugly? We have just the girl for you. But the point is… YOU have to have as many of the qualities as possible that GIRLS want.
6. Focus on yourself and building confidence first.
Telling a shy person to just start talking to girls is like throwing a person that can`t swim into the ocean when all they ever experienced in their life was water barely reaching above their knees.
If I wanted to go drive a car and someone tells me to ”just take the keys, jump in and drive away” although they know I have no previous experience let alone a driving permit, if you ask me, that`s a recipe for a disaster.
OP, you need to build confidence. The reason why you are scared to talk to girls is because you lack social skills that would allow you to do so. Talking to girls and conveying romantic interest are two very different things. If you don`t have the skills to just talk to them, how do you expect to find the balls to tell them you desire them???
I was where you`re at whether you believe it or not, but I didn`t start approaching girls out of the blue hoping for a miracle. Instead, I focused on myself. Just being successful at my job has done so much for me. Anywhere I went, when my friends asked some strangers ”wait, how do you know T???” They were like ”sure we know him, he works there and there. He`s a really cool, funny guy, excellent service”.
I won`t elaborate further and don`t take this as bragging or something. My point is, become the person that other people know or want to be friends with. It is easier when you have people coming to you.